Karl von Klore: This is Karl von Klore, your commentator for today's league match between the Blue Mountain Earthquakes and the Bearded Ladies. With me today is Trog the Toothless, to give us an insight into the inner workings of an Ogre Blood Bowl team.
The teams have taken to the field. The Bearded Ladies are sauntering on with catwalk finess, while the Twitchies seem to be dragging and coaxing the Ogres onto the pitch. What's that all about, Trog?
Trog the Toothless: Well, Karl. It appears that the Earthquakes are not sure why they have turned up today. We Ogres are used to being mercenary soldiers, and some of the lads might not have got the whole Blood Bowl idea into their Thick Skull yet. Don't worry, once the opponent gives one of them a shove, they'll naturally do their jobs.
KvK: Interesting. Well the Bearded Ladies have lined up and are ready. The referee has blown the whistle and the Dwarves have kicked the ball. What's this? The Twitchies are still explaining the rules of Blood Bowl to the Ogres! None of them are moving!
TtT: This is bad, they better wake up or the Dwarves will catch them flatfooted with a Blitz.
KvK: Oh my, the Dwarves have started shoving into the Ogres. That has brought them into action! They appear to have figured out what they are here to do today.
TtT: To thump Dwarves!
KvK: Umm, yes. Oh what's this! The mercenary Ogre that they hired 2 minutes before kickoff has shoved No.12 Dunbani into the ground. She looks like she's in a world of hurt.
TtT: Does anyone know the name of that Ogre? Ah, he's Borukk the Barefisted. Well done that lad. We might be seeing more of him in the future.
KvK: Barely 2 minutes and Dunbani's part in the game is over. The stretcher party has taken her ito the side lines. The Ogres have taken advantage of outnumbering the Dwarves and are driving deeper into the Dwarven line.
TtT: Ooooh, that's got to hurt. Twitchy No.747 has tripped over a spiked boot of a Dwarf and has landed poorly on his arm. He looks like he has dislocated something. To add injury to injury, Bezagg Brainbasher has thrown the Twitchy into the sideline and seem to be shouting Play On.
KvK: The referee has blown her whistle again. There is some commotion in the field with the players shoving each other. Someone has pissed off the ref.
TtT: Haha! Twitchy No.748 is going to have an early shower. He has been sent off for stomping on one of the Dwarf's face. Dubious decision though. It was purely accidental.
KvK: The Ogres want to keep momentum of the game. They are running riot in the Dwarven half of the pitch and have gotten the ball deep into enemy territory. They are carving a path through the Dwarven line for the Twitchies to get the ball through.
TtT: Touchdown! With most of the first half over, Twitchy No.743 has stolen the ball from beneath the gaze of the defending Dwarf and have slipped through and scored!
KvK: The clock is ticking down to halftime. The referee brings the whistle to her lips and blows for time. So, Trog, what did you think of that half?
TtT: The Bearded ladies started brightly enough, but could not make their initiative count. The Earthquakes fought back hard and deserved the touchdown. They will be disappointed not to have put more Dwarves onto stretchers. That might come back to haunt them in the second half.
KvK: The players are back out again. The sky is clear and the sun is shining bright.
TtT: The glare will make it hard for players to receive tha ball, but neither of these teams would be that bothered. They are here to break skulls, passing the ball is for Elves.
KvK: Kick off and the Dwarves clash into the Earthquake line.
TtT: No.3 Grugark Eyegouger has lived up to his name! He has just shoved his finger deep into the face of No.8 Kulgar. I bet she is feeling it. Just 2 minutes into play as well.
KvK: The Ogres are making their intentions clear by taking out players early on each half. I think Kulgar will be alright. She is bleeding all over the place but her eyeballs are still intact. The Apothecary has patched her up and she'll be allowed to rejoin the game.
TtT: Almost from the restart, the Dwarves have exacted their revenge. No.7 Karazgor has slammed her fist into Twitchy No.746's head. I do not like the angle his head is facing now. She must have broken his neck. Oh well.
KvK: Who says Ogres are too dim to learn. No.2 Bezagg Brainbasher has just learnt Karazgor's trick and now Olloban's lying on the floor with her head facing the wrong way. Her career might have been ended right there.
TtT: Aye, just 3 minutes into the half and we've seen 3 players stretchered off. The audience missed out on some bloodshed in the first half and are being treated to a bloodbath now!
KvK: Oh here's another player off. And he's done it to himself. Twitchy No.745 has tripped over and is reeling on the floor. His foot is swelling up like a balloon, and he will not likely be able to play for a few weeks.
TiT: He will consider himself lucky not to have broken anything. The Dwarves have formed a nice wedge down the flank of the Ogre's half and are driving through.
KvK: The other Dwarves are hurling themselves at the Ogres in order to distract them as Forbrinmin races towards end zone with the ball.
TtT: Touchdown! I never knew a Dwarf could run so fast. The Ogres nearly got her but she's done enough to level the match.
KvK: The Dwarves kick off again into the Ogre half. What's this then? The Ogres seem to be arguing among themselves about who was responsible for letting that touchdown through. The Dwarves have gone into a huddle and have rearranged their formation.
TtT: Yeah, they have swapped some players out into better positions. Lets see whether it helps them.
KvK: It has not and I'll tell you why. Morghurg Facemangler has taken out Bukbard. The Bearded Ladies player with the No.3 shirt. Punched her straight into the pitch. It will take the medical crew some time to pull her out. She's off for the match.
TtT: The Earthquakes look frustrated, and there remaining two Twitchies do not dare say a word. Nothing is going according to plan and the remaining Dwarves are proving harder to take down.
KvK: The Dwarves have found a gap in the Ogre line and are pouring through. The clock is ticking down. Amanbar has scored a touchdown! Surely its too late for the Ogres to come back. The Dwarves are headed for a win.
TtT: The Dwarves have reformed their line and have restarted the game while the Ogres are still staring at the end zone. The final whistle is blown! The Bearded Ladies win 2 to 1.
KvK: Yes, the shellshocked Ogres missed out on their last chance to thump a few Dwarf players. I think it's a fair result. The Dwarves go home with full points in the bag, having capitalised on two gilt-edged chances and scored them.
TtT: Aye. I think both sides can go home feeling lucky not to have suffered more than they did. When two rough teams like these clash, a high casualty count is always a possibility. The crowd got to see blood spilt, but most of the players will be alright after a few weeks. Not too many long term injuries.
This is Karl von Klore wishing you all a good weekend. Thank you, Trog the Toothless for sharing with us your insights.
Read more!
